There isn’t much more to say about it.

The thing about death, grief, pain, hardship, or tragedy is that you have a groundswell of support right away. 

Because that’s the RIGHT thing to do.

But after the immediate influx of love, it disappears. 

Because the hard part isn’t right away. 

No. Not at all.

The hard part comes after the dust of it all settles & gets blown away by the wind. 

You live your life. 

You survive. 

You’re strong. 

Stronger than they can even imagine! they say. 

Well, yeah, sure. 

What else am I supposed to be, exactly? Did I have another choice? 

We’re so uncomfortable with the non-mainstream life, anything that’s not the highlight reel of happy, that we shiver & recoil from pain when we see it, are presented with it, or have to face & deal with it.  

The pained keep outwardly living the way that it makes you feel comfortable. 

Why? I don’t exactly know. But it’s some bullshit.

But what the pained, the only one(s) that matter in this scenario, are left with is isolation & depression.

What I tried to avoid after our last loss simply wasn’t what I thought.

It was staved off for a little while. But it came back. Just for a few days (yes, days). 

The support went away in days. 

Except for our core people. And you know what? It’s not that many. It’s pretty stark & eye-opening.

So, what was the point in sharing early? 

For…celebration? 

Support? 

Love? 

We got the celebration when there was something to celebrate. 

That was easy. 

That people know how to do. 

What’s been lacking is support &, ya know, just being there? Checking in? It’s not that hard…

So, what are we doing next & when? Honestly, I can’t say many (most) of y’all deserve to know. But also, there’s our protection. We opened ourselves up to sharing & truth be told: it unequivocally hasn’t been worth it. 

So, for many reasons, respect our wishes moving forward & before you do ask, don’t. 

We’re keeping it all to ourselves. 

For as long as we want. 

Trying to be funny and stuck in a room

There isn’t much more to say about it

Can one be funny when stuck in a room?

Being in, trying to get something out of it

Bo Burnham “Look Who’s Inide Again.”