For the Hope of It All

Hi, all.

I have had this post drafted since August 17th. Today is the last day in August & I am just now sitting down to finally “put pen to paper,” as it were, & get this bad boy out of my head & fingertips & into the world.

August — along with the late spring & summer — have certainly slipped away from us all.

To be honest, the last couple of months have been hard & shame-filled in a very different way.

In July (July 9th, to be exact) I got so incredibly sick from a yeast infection. Like, the sickest I’ve ever been in my entire life. We thought I had Covid. I legitimately felt like I was dying. It even resulted in oral thrush (that I was still taking oral Nyastatin for up until about 2 weeks ago…). We think it was a combination of stress, fatigue (we had just brought home our second puppy Millie Rose the previous weekend on July 3rd!), exacerbated by alcohol consumption. This is just one of the many reasons that I chose to embark into a period of sobriety. As of today, it’s been 52 days since I’ve had a sip of alcohol. To be honest, I’ve never felt better. There are a multitude of mental & physical benefits I’m experiencing as a result of this, but it really started from me not wanting to ever experience anything like that ever again.

I had a 103° / 104° off & on for nearly a week.

I cried every hour I was awake for…I’ve honestly lost count of how many days in a row I cried nearly every waking moment. But it was a long time.

My husband had to take care of me & our dogs. One of which was basically a brand new puppy who we had just brought home. She wasn’t even 2 months old yet. Glob love him, he also also tried to work from home.

He’s a freakin’ saint.

Long story short, we had to put off IVF. To say that I was incredibly upset & felt frustrated with myself for this derailment would be a massive understatement. I added a probiotic & a cranberry supplement to my already exponential amounts of pills I’m taking (I’m taking around 10…again: I’ve lost count.) Cutting out alcohol to avoid another “flare up” was, quite literally, the very least I could do. I would also not be imbibing when we started the IVF cycle, anyway, so why not start now? Also: a period of sobriety is something that was probably a long time coming, anyway. Who knows how long I’ll stay in this chapter, but I do know it will not be before I have a baby. Alcohol & me? We’re on a break.

With a new cycle came birth control (my, how FUN to be back on this after 5-6 years free from it…).

We had our baseline ultrasound yesterday & we are starting our injections this Friday, 9/3! Below, I’ll insert a screenshot from my Instagram stories very briefly detailing my IVF protocol.

So, that’s where we’re at. I, simultaneously, can’t believe we’re here but also: my GLOB it’s been a long time coming. Right?

August really did slip away.

Like a moment in time.

Not like a bottle of wine, though.

We are now at the precipice of, what I hope, is the rest of our lives. Changing forever. For the better.

It’s a weird feeling.

I texted with a great friend today & she hit the nail on the head:

Me: “I feel so weird.”
“So much is about to happen, but not yet. So I’m just still before the storm.”

Amazing Friend: “Hurry up and wait type of thing?”

She just gets me. All the time. Endlessly. And forever.

Anway, we’re hurrying up & waiting for you Baby G. Your time has come. Let’s go. We’re just living for the hope of it all.

~ As always, thanks so much for reading. Much love, & hope for a return of the light.

August slipped away into a moment in time /

Back when I was livin’ for the hope of it all (For the hope of it all)

Taylor Swift “August.”