Hope for the hopeless.

*sigh* here we go again.

This week, especially, I am forced to face the malleability of the human spirit. We hope & hope & hope almost against all conceivable odds. It’s mind-boggling how we just keep going. I chose to include the above picture from our family photos taken in 2019 because of the little orb that you see on my husband.

To go back a bit…why do we get family pictures even though we don’t have kids? I can’t remember where I read this, but I came across something after my husband & I got married in 2016. They kept up with getting portraits of the two of them (they may or may not have had a dog, I can’t remember) because they wanted a physical representation of that love to show their kids. “You are here because we first loved each other. Our union, our relationship, our love, our loyalty, our active choosing each other each & every day, no matter what, through good & through bad, through sickness & in health, ’til death do us part…you are a direct result of that.” I think it’s important for our future children to see the love that was planted, bloomed, & grew & kept growing. I fell in love with that. I latched onto it. And I will continue that until we have an earthly babe to add to our photos.

Back to the orb. Stephen & I didn’t even notice it when we got these pictures back. But, so many family members & friends commented on it. These were the first pictures we got taken after losing our first little G Baby in May of 2019. These were taken that fall. So many of our loved ones saw these images & really thought that was our little babe deciding “Yeah, no. I’m still here. I’m still with you.” So, we held onto that. We held, & do hold, onto many little signs & nuggets. To get us through. Don’t we all? However crazy they may seem to us in the moment, or to others. We hold onto hope. Each & every day. No matter what. Through good. Through bad. Through sickness & in health. ‘Til death do us all part.

As we approach a second round of IUI (intrauterine insemination), I’m taking a pause to reminisce on the resiliency. I’m constantly & consistently floored by our ability to hold onto hope for dear life to get us through & to the next step. And to keep going. Forward. Onward. Ahead. Now, “our” doesn’t just apply to my husband & me; but to all of us. Infertility warriors. Pregnancy/infant loss warriors. Child loss warriors. Parental loss warriors. Spouse/partner loss warriors. Friend loss warriors. HUMANS in general. Life is hard. Humaning is hard. My God are we strong, or what? And resilient. And broken. And wonderful.

Wherever you are on & in this journey, please remember & know however you choose to cope, to deal, to press on, is the right choice for you. Period. End of story. In the meantime, we will all continue to have hope for the hopeless. For one another. We’ve got each other & each others’ backs. Forever & ever amen. And when you find yourself shaking your heads in disbelief at your own ability to have hope for the hopeless (you), know that you are not alone. You are never alone.

~ As always, thanks so much for reading. Much love, & hope for a return of the light.

“Running against the wind / Playing the cards you get / Something is bound to give / There’s hope for the hopeless.”

A Fine Frenzy “Hope for the Hopeless.”